A Letter to the Math

I wrote this short story during my semester exams. Blame it on the stress, Chibi’s unrelenting raids on my coffee stores or the time spent on preparing informational interview requests. It even has a disclaimer, as I do not wish to elicit trouble from any faction (assuredly with Chibi at the lead for my having mentioned his crusades in this article). The story-

Disclaimer

This story is devoid of any form of truth, save for the addresses mentioned. Anything that is read in between the lines is wholly credited to the reader’s fertile imagination.

I, the narrator, have assumed the role of a highly prejudiced young man in this story and it is my express desire to make as much clear to the reader even at the beginning. It may be likened to an author assuming the role of a racist male protagonist in a story that would obviously be filled with the latter’s prejudiced thoughts. The author is but producing an account of his protagonist’s life and may not be liable to condemnation from the general public or otherwise. I hope for the same understanding from my readers as this story and its contents (including the protagonist’s thoughts) are mere figments of my lately fertile imagination.

TB 336, Ridge View Residences,

25 Lower Kent Ridge Road,

NUS 119081

HR Manager,

Srimatam Samsthanam,

#1, Salai Street,

Kancheepuram 631502

19 April, 2008

Dear Sir,

Application for the post of the next Sankaracharya.

I am responding to your advertisement in the Kanchi Kamakoti newsletter for the post of the next Sankaracharya and I would like to apply for the said position. I am twenty years old, hail from Chennai and can speak English and Tamil fluently. While I am pursuing a bachelor’s degree in mechanical engineering, one of my numerous searches for a career in the spiritual world led me to your newsletter and hence this application.

I am pleasantly surprised to note that some of the qualifications required of a Sankaracharya are commensurate with my own. I was a prime-time radio presenter on my campus radio station in the year 2007-2008 while simultaneously hosting several key events over a period of three months. These activities have greatly enhanced my public speaking skills and I am positive that the weekly discourses (both live and recorded) expected of a Sankaracharya at the Peetham should not be a problem. Although I am fluent only in Tamil and English, I have cursory knowledge of Hindi and Telugu (the latter owing to my mother’s sin of having grown up in Hyderabad). I am sure that given some time I can become more proficient in Hindi and other Indian languages by interacting with the Peetham’s diverse clientele. At the same time, I assure you that my limited knowledge of Telugu will, in no way be of hindrance to the Peetham’s daily activities and I hope for your kind understanding in this matter as my knowledge of this infernal language is wholly unintentional. I will be learning C, C++, Java, SQL and ASM languages this summer and in all, I hope to attend the interview with at least 11 languages in my portfolio. Although I am aware that the lineage of Gurus and in particular Maha-Periyava Chandrashekara (who knew 17 languages at the time of his interview) knew such a repertoire of languages as would be deemed sufficient to start an entrepreneurial venture as professional interpreters, I believe that my arsenal of skills and well-rounded activities make up for the want in language proficiency.

I learnt Yoga in the formative years of my life and took to volleyball in middle school. Constant training has since lent me the fitness of body and a firmness of mind that is of great personal pride. This coupled with my natural interest in traveling would greatly enhance the spiritual journey I wish to embark on, by tracing the path taken by Jagadguru Adi Sankara on his dig-vijaya, should I become the next Sankaracharya.

Besides possessing the necessary skills, I believe that I also have the right attitude it takes to be the most revered spiritual guru of a religion. Aum and Karma are the two foremost concepts in my life, so much so that to this day, I wear a pendant fashioned after the aum around my neck. I also advocate the principle of bhakthi to my peers by prescribing a daily play list consisting of devotional music such as the following numbers- and AND

Ok…uh…maybe not the last one…but you get the idea…

I am well presented, positive and enjoy working with others. I would love to spearhead the holy mission of Hinduism by expanding the current fan base, instilling Bhakthi in devotees and inspiring generations to come. For all these reasons, I would like to be the next Sankaracharya.

Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Karthik Srinivasan

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